There is no shortage of discussion of the financial challenges faced by retirees. Even many of the psychological challenges get their fair amount of coverage. One critical topic, however, doesn’t—the pressure retirement places on retirees’ marital relationships.

How Retirement Can Strain Marriages

Retirement can strain marriages in several key and often-unexpected ways, the sources of which may be:

• Having misaligned expectations about retiring can cause conflict. These differing expectations between spouses can occur on a number of issues, ranging from the sharing of household responsibilities to ideas and plans for how time in retirement will be spent.
• Irksome behavior and unsolicited advice is never pleasant, and even less so with a life-changing event such as retirement. This conflict falls under the “twice the spouse” syndrome. After years of having significant time apart during the course of most days, spouses spending time together 24/7 may find old habits suddenly annoying or resent having to listen to advice on matters they have spent their adult lives handling well enough on their own.
• Spending habits can place additional strain when one or both spouses are already stressed about the challenge of living on savings and having to make them last for decades.
• Physical limitations may cause frustration for the burdened spouse and tension between the spouses when one can (and wants to) spend time undertaking more physically demanding activities in retirement.
• There may be a general disenchantment with retirement overall. When one or both spouses are finding their retirement reality is not matching their romanticized vision of retirement, it can foster a dissatisfaction and despondency that spills over into the relationship.

Remedies to Lower the Marital Stress

There are ways to lower or eliminate these retirement-related stresses and it starts with communicating openly, honestly and regularly about individual feelings, expectations and hopes for retirement.

Spouses should respect each other’s need for alone time by creating separation zones in the house or setting aside time dedicated to individual activities. Spouses need to negotiate a fair division of labor.

If one or both spouses are disenchanted with retirement, explore the source of that disappointment. Often it has to do with a sense of purposelessness. Consider ways to find pursuits that fill this void, like volunteering or mentoring.

A feeling of financial security can help avoid one big source of marital stress when retiring, so work with a financial professional to build a budget and investment plan that can foster the confidence that enjoying your retirement won’t derail it.

Finally, don’t forget the little joys that lead to a retirement well lived, like having date nights and socializing with friends and neighbors.

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